I'm Sorry
by EmmaB13
Summary: What happens when Sara goes to apologise to Catherine after another one of their fights... (Now being extended from a one-shot!)
1. Chapter 1

**I don't own CSI or any of its characters. Copyright stuff.**

**First CSI story, first story for ages. Wrote one for Lost a long time ago. Let me know what you think; if it's worth carrying on or not! **

Catherine sat alone in her office waiting for shift to end. She wouldn't admit it to anyone, but she was upset. Another shift had led to another fight with Sara, the woman Catherine yearned for but knew she couldn't have. She sighed aloud to herself as she watched the clock, the hands moving slower than she ever thought possible... "Why do I do this to myself?" She grumbled aloud. She knew that she was going to start a fight when she made that stupid, immature comment comparing Sara to the Vic... But she never expected Sara's comeback to hurt her quite as much as it did.

Sara was in the lab finishing up a report for Catherine. After the shift they'd had it was all Sara could do to not just up and leave the lab and find the nearest bar and drink herself into oblivion. Again. It had become a regular habit for her, going out drinking, taking home anyone to fill the void that Sara knew, deep down, could only be filled by the gorgeous red-haired supervisor she fought with constantly. It could only be filled by Catherine.

That had been what had started the argument with Catherine that night; her supervisor making a comment about how similar Sara was to their victim. Sara didn't agree of course and had snapped straight back at her boss with a snide comment that she didn't really mean... But she knew she was in the wrong. She should never have made the comments to Cath that she did, especially as by the time they'd closed the case, Sara could see that Catherine's observation had been correct... And Sara hated that. She hated that Catherine saw right through the front she put on to cover up the mess that she was underneath.

Sara finished up her report and glanced at the clock. Part of her was hoping that she'd worked past the end of shift so she could just drop the report on Catherine's desk without another confrontation. Another part of her hoped, just a little bit, that Catherine would still be there. Sara wanted to apologise to her for their argument that night, she felt terrible for calling Cath the things she had... All in all, Sara had basically called Catherine a slut and a bad mother. Neither of which she was, and Sara knew it.

Catherine was just putting her things into her purse when there was a quiet knock at the door. "Come in". Sara slowly pushed the door open to the small office and stepped inside. "What do you want Sara?" "I uh, have the report... From the case... I uh..." "Put it on the desk and get out" Catherine looked up and met Sara's eyes for the first time since the younger woman had entered the room. Sara could feel the piercing glare and lowered her eyes to the floor. She stepped forward and placed the file on the desk in front of Catherine and then stepped back. Catherine, too, had dropped her gaze again, but flicked her gorgeous green eyes back up when she didn't hear the door open or close again. "I told you to get out" she hissed "don't make me say it again". Sara looked at Catherine again and murmured, no louder than a whisper "I'm sorry"

"Sorry? You're SORRY?!" Cath raised her voice a little and Sara flinched. "I wanted to apologise for earlier on. I am sorry for saying those things to you; I honestly don't believe them... I was just is wound up by your comment about me and the Vic... But I think that I uh... I was upset by it because I realised you were right. I am just like her. So I'm sorry". Sara turned then to open the door. She had her hand on the handle when she heard Catherine's voice behind her... Closer to her this time. "Sara, wait..."

Catherine had gotten up from her chair the moment Sara had turned her back. She was stood close to Sara now, close enough to touch her. Sara turned round at Catherine's words, shocked to see her supervisor stood so near. Sara's breath caught in her throat as she leant against the door. Catherine was looking at her, but Sara couldn't place the look in the woman's eyes. "This is it" Sara thought "she's finally going to hit me" but the slap Sara was expecting never came. Instead, she was met with Catherine's lips pressing against her own.

It wasn't what either of them had been expecting to happen. Catherine had no idea what had come over her in that moment but seeing Sara looking so hurt and almost vulnerable in front of her had stirred something in Cath and she just couldn't help herself. Sara on the other hand had been expecting a slap and instead her lips were locked with those she had lusted over since she had come to Vegas. Sara felt Catherine's soft lips pressing against hers, the pressure increasing until Sara reciprocated, Catherine's tongue ran across Sara's bottom lip, asking for entrance, but almost as soon as Sara had parted her lips, Catherine pulled away, taking a step back from the other csi, looking down to the ground.

"I'm sorry" Cath whispered, just loud enough for Sara to hear "I didn't... I don't know what came over me" . Sara stretched her hand out and ever so gently lifted Cath's chin until their eyes met again.

"Never apologise for kissing me Cath, never".


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 - Cath's pov

I can't believe I kissed her. Sara. Of all people. I have no idea what it is about her but I just find her... Irresistible. She's just a beautiful person, inside and out. I know this, yet I have never given her a chance. Sure, we've become friendlier over the years we've worked together but our relationship is tense to say the least. I just can't believe I just kissed her. When I realised what I was doing I stopped it, knowing that I shouldn't have done that. I don't even know if she likes women for crying out loud, and yet here I am lip-locking with her. True, I've had a thing for Sara for a while now, it just sort of crept up on me... But I was never going to act on it. I was happy with my thoughts of what could be, thoughts of what she'd do to me when we were alone together... I never meant to...

I apologised. I can't believe my initial reaction when I realised what I was doing was to apologise. I actually apologised. Then she interrupted my thoughts. Her hand gently touched my face, bringing my embarrassed eyes up to look at hers. Her eyes, which in that moment were sparkling. She spoke to me then and all of a sudden I just felt the urge to cry, but I held it in as I looked her in the eye.

"Never apologise for kissing me Cath, never"

I don't know how long I stared at her after she spoke. I couldn't quite comprehend what I had just heard. It was as if I had been waiting to hear those words forever. She wanted me to kiss her... Or at least, I think that's what she meant by those words.  
"Did you just..." I have to get my words right, I thought before continuing "I shouldn't have done that. It was inappropriate and I..."

Before I had time to finish my sentence I felt Sara's hand move up to caress my cheek, and I gasped a little. Her touch drove me crazy, it had done for some time now. The times she'd brush up against me in the lab or at a scene, I could feel myself getting turned on by her mere presence. That was when I knew I had it bad for Sara. I've been trying for months to not think about it, other than in the privacy of my home but I've failed miserably, and now here we were. I'd kissed her, and she was still standing there in front of me...

Her hand was still on my cheek when I felt her reach her arm around my waist and pull me back in towards her. Before I knew what was happening, Sara had claimed my lips again and in that moment I lost all control. She wanted me to kiss her. She told me not to apologise and she's kissing me again. My head was spinning as Sara's tongue invaded my mouth, and I let out a moan. My hands were clutching at Sara's hair as she nibbled on my lip, her hands slide their way under my shirt and I let out a gasp as her cold skin touches mine. I feel like I'm on fire and then, suddenly, it's gone. Sara pulled away from me then, her breathing ragged. I looked at her, confused.

"Cath, I'm so..." I cut her off then. I couldn't have her apologise for what I can only describe as one of the best kisses I've ever experienced. "No. Don't you dare apologise to me sidle. Not for that. god no". Sara tries to protest, her eyes firmly locked on mine, trying to suss out if I really mean my words. She finally begins to speak again "But Cath..." "No, Sara, I don't want to hear it"

Sara looked at me like I was crazy. She looked at me like I was clinically insane when, after another minutes silence, I said "would you like to get a drink with me?"

My heart thumped in my chest as I waited for her to respond to my question. I could feel her analysing me, trying to figure out if I was being serious. I think she thought I was going to go off the deep end when she kissed me the second time, in fact, I'm still surprised that I haven't lost it yet.

After waiting for what felt like hours, but was clearly just a few seconds, the gorgeous brunette in front of me looked me in the eye and said simply "I'll meet you at Mint in an hour" before turning and walking out of my office. I finally let out a breath that I'd been holding in since the moment our lips touched for the first time, but for the first time in a long time a genuine smile graced my lips. Something that hadn't happened in a very long time.

I hurriedly got my things together and raced home, in time for a quick shower and a change of clothes. I felt a wave of panic rush over me "what do I even wear for a date with Sara Sidle?... Wait. No, it's a drink not a date. I never said date. Did she think it was a date? I mean I wouldn't complain if it was a date but then that would mean that I would be on a date. A date with THE Sara Sidle" I realised then that I was rambling to myself and I needed to hurry up, I didn't want to keep her waiting.

As I left my house and climbed into my car, I laughed at how ridiculous this was. I can't believe that at the start of shift I was ready to kill Sara, and by the end of if we were making out in my office. "Crazy" I thought to myself as I started the engine.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Sara pov

Tonight was a weird shift. I'd started out fighting with Catherine... Pretty normal for us. But then, she kissed me. At the end of shift, she kissed me and then apologised for doing so. I've never seen her look so confused as she did when I told her never to apologise for kissing me. I think she thought I'd lost it. I'm not open with my sexuality at work, I mean my friends know and I am in no way embarrassed about the fact that I'm a lesbian, but at work, with Cath mainly, it's just always been easier to let them assume I'm dating guys or still have a thing for Grissom. But Cath? Who knew. It definitely surprised me. I mean, she was married for one, and she'd been with a number of other men, flirted with so many of them too... I just never even thought that she would... Maybe she's not even... Maybe it was just the heat of the moment.

So I kissed her back. It was a bold move, especially after she apologised but I couldn't stop myself. After the electric feeling that flowed through me with the first kiss, I just had to do it again... And I wanted her to know that it was okay. She looked so freaking nervous, almost embarrassed that she'd let her emotions, whatever they were, get the better of her.  
She asked me to go for a drink, and I debated internally. I didn't know if it was a bad idea to accept the offer, thinking maybe I should just write off the kisses as a reaction to the stressful case and our argument. My heart got the better of my brain though and I accepted. "I'll meet you at mint in an hour" I heard myself saying, before I walked out her office.

Now here I am, sat at a private table in the classy bar clutching my beer waiting for Catherine to arrive. I was nervous. Catherine always made me nervous and I'd never been able to put my finger on why until more recently when I started noticing her more, her flirtatious nature, her gorgeous curves, and her eyes... Her eyes are beautiful, they sparkle when she's happy, when she laughs. I realised a while ago that I had feelings for her, the tension between us sometimes is so thick you could cut it with a knife. I arrived at mint a little earlier than planned, I needed a beer to calm the nerves. I was about to meet Catherine Willows for a date. 'No' I scold myself, 'it's not a date, it's just a drink... But what if SHE thinks it's a date... Oh crap. I kinda want it to be a date...'

Date or not it was too late. Catherine is moving across the room towards the table and me. 'God she looks stunning' I thought. She was wearing a tight black skirt with a stunning blue blouse, perfectly complimenting her hair and skin tone. I drew in a breath as she came up to the table, looking a little nervous.

"This seat taken?" she asked quietly. "Have a seat. Can I get you a drink?" "Uh sure. I'll take a glass of red thanks"

I got up and moved quickly towards the bar. My stomach was doing backflips I was so nervous. Why does she have to be so goddamn stunning? I turned my head back to the table and saw her nervously tapping her foot. She did it when she was waiting for results in the lab, a sort of nervous impatience I guess. The waitress put the drinks onto the bar and I thrust her a twenty "keep the change" I muttered as I turned and hurried back to Cath. I know from experience she doesn't like to be kept waiting.

I placed her wine down in front of her and she glanced up at me, a small smile gracing her lips. "Thank you". I sat back in the booth on the opposite side and took a swig of my beer. The silence was a little unnerving. I still wasn't sure what to expect from this... She'd asked me just after we kissed... Twice. And now here we were. It wasn't an awkward silence as much as a silence filled with unspoken thoughts.

"I'm surprised you agreed to meet me tonight after what I said about you and the Vic today Sar". I glanced up from my beer to meet Catherine's eyes. I could just see worry staring back at me. Like she was afraid I was mad at her still. "It's okay Cath, water under the bridge. We both said things today and although they can't be unsaid, perhaps we should just forget what was said and move on with today" "I like that idea" she replied softly.

I've never seen Cath so nervous. I knew she was waiting to say something to me, whether it was about the kiss or not I don't know, but I decided not to push her to say it and just let the conversation flow, along with the drinks, until she was ready to say whatever it was.

Our conversation had touched on a series of topics; Lindsay, Cath's mom and sister, work, gossip from work, and a little about our hobbies... Although as Cath joked, perhaps I was less like the Vic than she first thought. (Our Vic literally lived out her apartment. Seemed like she read a stack of magazines and ate take out, nothing more).

I'd just bought Cath her 4th glass of wine and returned to the table to find that she had moved further into the booth than before, now nearer the centre, closer to my seat. I slid back into the booth, in my tipsy state, moving closer to Cath. I couldn't help myself really, she had this magnetic force that was pulling me nearer to her which had been growing harder to resist throughout our "date". After I'd seated myself, she turned her head to look at me right in the eye.

"Sara, I... That kiss today, in my office, I... I don't know what you've thought since it happened but I mean you told me that I shouldn't apologise for kissing you and then you kissed me again and i swear it was one of the best kisses I've ever had and I just don't know because I mean, like I don't even know if you like women or if you like me or if you just thought it was because of our fight or something but I liked it and I like you, I like you a lot... Maybe too much, I mean your gorgeous and smart and gentle and you drive me freaking crazy and I'm rambling on and I suppose I should let you say something now before you think I'm even crazier than you thought i was already and..."

She likes me. Catherine Willows likes me. Wow.

I continued to stare at her until all of a sudden I realised she wasn't speaking anymore, she was looking at me, waiting for my reply to her admission. And in that moment I lost all ability to speak. Instead, I leant in towards her and kissed her. I freaking kissed her. Again.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 - Cath's pov

She kissed me again. I'd just told her what I thought in the most rambling way ever, and she just stared at me, like I was mad. And then she kissed me. She seems to be doing that a lot today, looking at me like I'm crazy... And kissing me. She's kissing me. Her lips are so soft, I don't want them to ever leave mine. Oh god. Now I sound crazy.

After a moment Sara pulled away from the kiss again and looked down at her hands. I moved my hand out and gently caressed her cheek. "Sara? Look at me? Please?" And she looked up, her eyes meeting mine. "Are you okay?" I almost whispered. She looked at me and her mouth moved a few times without any sound coming out. Finally, she spoke. "I didn't know what earlier on was. I was confused, I didn't know you liked women, let alone liked me... But Cath, I wanted you to kiss me. I've wanted you to do that for so long now, I just never thought it would really happen. And I know we fight all the time but I like you, I really do. And I don't think you're THAT crazy... And I'm really glad you asked me for a drink" she smiled a gentle smile at me, not quite the Sara sidle gap-toothed grin, but she still seemed a little nervous. I took her hand in mine and returned her smile.

We sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes, both of us contemplating what the other had said. I couldn't help but sneak a few glances her way, each time finding Sara's eyes locked on me. I reached out for my glass and downed the rest of it before standing up. She looked so confused, a look of sudden hurt flashed across her face. 'She thinks I'm leaving her. Crap. No. Forgot to speak' I turned to her again and took her hand "let's get out of here Sar, we can, go to my place, talk?" . She stood hurriedly, so quickly that she found herself stood so close we were touching. I'm shorter than Sara, about shoulder height. I could feel my breathing quicken as she stood against me, and I'm sure I felt a similar reaction from her. She leaned down, and I thought... I hoped, that she was about to give me another kiss. Instead, she murmured into my ear "I want to be alone with you...now"

With that, I grabbed her hand and almost pulled her out of the bar. Having had 4 glasses of wine I'd had too much to drive,"we'll take my car, I'll bring you to pick yours up later". I just nodded and climbed into Sara's car.

We were pulling up to my place soon enough, and suddenly I was nervous again. Sara had been to mine before but only ever with the rest of the team for Lindsay's birthdays or summer barbecues. It had never just been her and me alone before. And that made me nervous. Especially because I like her, a lot. Too much. And I was worried that maybe things would go too far too fast and ruin any chance of a potential relationship between us. I mean, why couldn't I have just asked her at the bar if I could take her out on a date at the weekend or something?! Why did I invite her to my place to 'talk'. If it had been the other way around I'd probably assume I was being invited back for sex. Oh god. Does she think this is for sex? I turned to look at Sara next to me as she pulled her car into the driveway of my house, a small smile playing on her lips. She looked back at me as if she had felt my eyes on her and smiled at me. "You okay Cath?" "Uh, yeah, sure" "cos, I don't have to come in if you don't want me to" she's giving me a way out. But, I don't want a way out, I don't need one. I want her to come in to talk about things "come on, I think I've got a six pack In the fridge"

We entered the house and I showed her to the couch before disappearing to the kitchen, coming back with a couple of beers. I'm not much of a beer drinker myself but the guys like it and Warrick and Nick come over quite a lot after work for a drink to unwind. I passed Sara her beer as I sat on the couch next to her. It was a comfortable silence but I had to break it. I'm not so good with silence. "So, you uh, you like me huh?" "Yeah, have done for a while now" "how long?" "I don't know, couple of years... Maybe longer" "shit" "how about you? You like me too if I remember correctly?" "Yeah. Kind of crept up on me"  
Sara grinned at this comment. "What?" I asked her. "You're cute when you're nervous". I dropped my head, almost embarrassed that she'd noticed my nervous disposition. "It's okay Cath, you have no idea how nervous I've been since your office" "me too Sar" I whispered in reply.

I don't know what it is about her, but being alone with her outside of work, I feel shy. She doesn't usually see the me that's not the boss, the me that has had to work up from the bottom to get where she is. She sees the sometimes cut-throat bitch that uses her sexuality to get her what she wants. And those were her words to describe me, not my own. She doesn't know me as the mother, the caring, sometimes shy, woman who just wants to come home from work and spoon In bed and cuddle up in front of the tv... But I want her to.

"So what happens now?" She surprises me with her question. I was off in my head somewhere. "Huh?" My ever so eloquent reply. "What happens now?" She asks again. I take a swig of the beer and then turn back to face her "what do you want?"

reviews are always appreciated! Need some motivation to carry this on... Or someone tell me to quit if it's rubbish! :) Thanks!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 - sara's pov

That's right Cath, turn the question back on me. I'd just asked her what she wanted and she turned the freaking question back around. What am I supposed to say to that? I don't want to freak her out by telling her what I really want - to be with her, to have a life with her and Lindsay, to be her friend and her lover... How do I tell her that without scaring her away?

"I want... I don't know Cath. I don't know what I want because I don't know what this is, I don't know what you want this to be". Okay so I didn't tell her the truth, but I don't want to put myself on the line for her to turn around and tell me she wants a fling, a meaningless one night stand.

"I want to take you out, on a date"  
I looked at her, studying her face as she said those words, I could swear I was dreaming, when she piped up again "look, Sar, I don't know if we could work or not, but, I'd like to give it a try. I like you and you like me, to me, it's simple. We like each other, so we go on a date, see how it goes. If we can get through a date without killing each other, then perhaps, we go on another one? I like you Sar, and I want more than a fling with you. I want this to be a real thing, me and you"

I blinked at her, processing what she just said. "And what happens if it doesn't work out for us?" I ask, voicing my concern. "Then, we face it like adults and get on with our lives, I don't want to think about us not working out when we've not started anything yet" "okay. I like that" "good. So, can i take you out on Friday night?"

There was so much hope in Cath's voice when she asked that question I nearly melted. I smiled at her as I reached out and took her hand in mine before saying "I'm looking forward to it already". Her eyes lit up with my response and she leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on my lips. God I didn't want it to end. Every time we kissed it felt like fireworks were exploding all around us, it was magical.

I stayed another half hour or so but Cath was getting tired and she only had a few hours before she'd have to get Lindsay from school so we said our goodbyes and I left. I have to say I was looking forward to work tonight even more than usual.

As I pulled my car into the parking lot of the lab, I found myself with a feeling of butterflies in my stomach. I'd made a little more effort tonight, I guess it was to impress Cath a bit, show her that I can look better than the usual jeans and old top I'd wear to work. I sat in my car for a few minutes just thinking back to the events of the last 24 hours, until I was dragged from my thoughts by a tap on my window. I turned my head and saw Cath smiling at me through the glass. I opened my car door and stepped out.  
"You okay sidle?" "Yeah, I'm good" "something on your mind?" "More like someone" I whispered, winking at her. A blush crept up her cheeks, which just added to her beauty. I took her fingers gently in mine and looked at her "I wish I could kiss you right now" "me too" she replied, her eyes hungrily staring at my lips. The sound of a car pulling into the parking lot made me jump and pull my hand away from hers and I smiled apologetically at Cath. "We should get inside" she muttered to me and I nodded, following her into the building, taking my chance to check out her ass in her tight jeans.

Myself and Cath weren't paired together that shift, which sucked. I spent all shift in a daze, thinking back to our electric kisses earlier that day. I couldn't wait to see her at the end of shift, just to sneak one of her amazing kisses before going home to sleep.

The next time I saw her, she was changing in the locker room. I slipped in quietly and walked up behind her, wrapping my arms around her slim waist, placing a gentle kiss on the side of her neck. I heard a small moan escape her lips and I smiled against her neck. "Cath?" I mumbled into her neck,before kissing it again gently. I received another moan in response, so continued "wanna go to my place...for breakfast?"

She turned her head to face mine, and gently captured my lips in a short, sweet kiss, before whispering, against my lips, "definitely".

**what do you think? I'm working on the next chapter, probably their first official date! then might see some drama happening... Reviews are always appreciated, they'll help keep me motivated! :) **


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